Please allow me to introduce myself...
Ah. No, not quite who you might think.
I was once arrested by that Quincy rascal John Adams after I advocated the cause of the Federalist party, and under the name of "Peter Porcupine" wrote a series of powerful pamphlets, in which the French revolutionists and their sympathizers were severely criticized. One of your current solons, William Safire, has written a recent book, which exposes all the dirt that MacCullough left out of his reverential volume about that twit, John Adams. Never trust a Scotsman, sirrah! Good dirt on that distinguished bastard, Alexander Hamilton, and how Jefferson bribed the Clerk of the House to blackmail others. My heart warms to this new author, and I wish him well in his career.
I fled these shores returning to England where I wrote dozens of books, served in Parliament, and distinguished myself as an advocate of Catholic emancipation and parliamentary reform.On a May morning 170 years ago, in the midst of a debate on the malt tax, I was struck down by heart disease, and died soon after being removed to my country house at Farnham. Now almost two centuries later, looking down at Olde Cape Cod from this celestial vantage point, I will comment and correct your errant behavior when I see it. I shall now become the Cape Cod
Porcupine, well able to defend my views and my belly, while casting my darts at those who need it most. From what I've observed, I shall have ample targets, indeed.
Your obedient servant, Wm. "Peter Porcupine" Cobbett, Esq.